With the news Nadine Dorries is set to take part in I’m a Celebrity Get Me out Of Here – while still receiving dosh for representing the constituents of Mid Bedfordshire – we look at other politicians who may or may-not-be infiltrating our iPlayer in the near future…
The Chipping Norton show
Narrated by Graham Norton, this docu/soap examines the heart of life in Chipping Norton, home of the beloved Mr and Mrs Cameron. The PM shows the viewer around his grand estate, his local pub/nursery and his study (which he masterfully calls his think tank) …. The show is supplemented by humorous footage of the PM hilariously, and in no way defensively, shouting ‘that’s just not cricket’ as local thug Jeremy Clarkson repeatedly teases him about his wishy-washy approach to the EU. The show will also demonstrate a serious edge, as reformed drug addict Alex James battles with his demons, in order to procure a lucrative column in The Sun! – the former Blur bassist turned gluttonous cheese junkie must impress the village siren; flame haired Goddess Miss Kemp-Wade-Brooks. Will Mr James be accepted by the anointed one? Will local lout Clarkson leave the beleaguered PM alone and chase the real baddies, that Marxist pedophile ring he calls Auntie? Find out all only on Sky1, Sky2, SkyArts and Fox!
Byers and Milburn Investigate
Are we paying too much to access our politicians? Should our money go further when buying influence? In these tough economic times, lobbyists want to know one thing: Am I getting value for my money? The cheeky scamps of the New Labour years, messrs Stephen Byers and Alan Milburn give you the inside guide on how much politician’s ear you should be expecting for your dollar. This is consumer affairs at its most innovative, with a presenting couple people are sure to dub the ‘Morecambe and Wise of money related programming’.
New Series of Family Fortunes, with new host, Chancellor George Osborne
The in no way beleaguered Chancellor takes over from nation’s sweetheart Vernon Kay to present the much loved prime-time show. A show insider said Mr Osborne was surprised to be asked, saying: “He’d never really considered Family Fortunes before he got the call, he was hesitant at first, he doesn’t normally do ‘people’ and the fortunes of families isn’t particularly high on his agenda – but the issue was resolved when Mr Cameron decreed it a good way for the nation to witness Mr Osborne’s unparalleled numeracy skills. “The Prime Minister is 110% sure this show will highlight the charisma and mathematical ability of the future Lord Osborne” divulged a Number 10 spokesperson. Eddie Izzard/Frankie Boyle/Charlie Brooker were more sanguine, all claiming ownership of the following twitter-hate crime: “As long as one of these questions isn’t : We asked 100 people who would make a more competent Chancellor…. And the top answer is: Anyone but Gideon!”
Real Life with Lembit Opik
Lembit Opik is planning to avoid all television work for a major documentary that will uncover what life is really like for non-celebrities. Expect genuine grit, heartache and real life, fish’n’chip scenarios involving the hugely admired entertainer. There are currently no plans to air the show on any network.